


I’ve Never Wanted Anything More

by Olpgurl



Series: Damerey Week [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, First Kiss, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghost Luke Skywalker, Mutual Pining, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, That's Not How The Force Works
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-07-27 15:14:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,297
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16221725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Olpgurl/pseuds/Olpgurl
Summary: When the Force bond with the new Supreme Leader becomes a danger, Rey needs to find a solution to stop it completely. The recently deceased Luke tells her she already has a way, she just needs to figure out with who.Damerey Week Day 4:  The Force





	I’ve Never Wanted Anything More

The episodes, as everyone called them, were getting worse. The first time on Crait had been easy but for months it had been getting harder to shut him out. She didn’t understand why he was still trying to reconnect them, she thought that she had been perfectly clear. She’d long since stopped trying to understand his motives, the man she thought she had known never existed. All she wanted now was for Kylo to leave her the hell alone. 

So they were pouring through the texts as quickly as they could. So far nothing had even mentioned Force bonds and she was getting nervous. She didn’t want to become a risk, he would show up at random times. He would talk to her, mention the few times he could see the other people in the room. He would mock them mercilessly, how weak Poe had been, what a traitor Finn was and how pathetic Leia has become. She fell for the trap each time, screaming at him, causing a scene. But it was worse than the embarrassment, the last thing anyone needed was for him to overhear something vital just because Leia, Finn and Poe were all visible to him. Having four different members of the new leadership, all people who were important to her, being accidentally spied on by the new Supreme Leader had to stop. 

Finn was the one who finally gave them a solution. “I wish we had someone we could just ask,” he said as he closed the book. “Threepio can barely understand most of this, how are we supposed to?”

Leia’s head popped up. “What if there was someone?” she asked as she reached for one of the books that had already been translated. “Luke could see Force ghosts, maybe you can Rey.”

And so she found herself working on meditation, all in hopes of talking to a dead person. Her life had become very strange since leaving Jakku. She worked on silencing her mind again, she was terrible at this. But they needed an answer, they couldn’t keep wasting time on keeping her mind free of Kylo. She took a deep breath, focusing on her breathing, and tried to feel nothing but the Force as it surrounded her. 

It happened on the fourth day. Seeing Luke again was a strange comfort and a little disheartening. He hadn’t wanted to help her when he was alive, why would that change now that he had died? He looked the same, other than the blue tint and glow surrounding him. She wasn’t entirely sure what was supposed to happen now that he was here. 

“Long time no see Rey,” he said with a faint smile. 

“Well I suppose that happens when one of us is dead,” she replied with a smirk. 

He rolled his eyes. “I’m pretty new at this, so how about we skip the insults?” he asked. “Yoda said you needed me, so here I am.”

She sighed, this needed to stop. “I need to get rid of a Force bond,” she whispered. “And I need to do it now.”

Luke gave her a faint smile. “It’s getting worse isn’t it?” he asked. 

She could only nod, maybe he would help her this time. “It’s because it isn’t real,” he continued. “The only Force bond I had was with Leia, my twin and my friend. They should only happen with someone who’s important to you, or someone who will be, that you connect with easily. You and my nephew, it was pushed on you so there’s no controlling it. It didn’t form naturally like a bond is supposed to.”

“So what do I do?” she asked hesitantly. “I don’t want it but I can’t seem to shut it out anymore. If it’s not real, how do I make it go away?”

“You need a form a real bond,” he replied. “A true Force bond would replace it, making the one with Ben stop.”

She stared at him incredulously. “How in the kriff am I supposed to do that?”

He actually laughed at her. “Rey,” he said, barely trying to hold back the chuckle. “You’ve already started.”

 

*****

 

She wasn’t sure Luke knew what he was talking about. She had already started forming a bond with someone? Then who exactly? She hadn’t been seeing people other than Kylo, she was pretty sure about that. Unless he meant she was forming a bond with someone she already knew. She needed to talk to Leia. 

The General agreed with her. If she had already started a bond, it had to be with someone she already knew. It could only be one of three people, they needed to be Force sensitive. Leia laughed, they could rule her out so that left the two men. She was closest to Finn, so they both assumed he must be the one. 

They spent weeks together, just trying to be around each other as much as possible. Luke hadn’t given her a clue how to make their bond stronger so all they had to go on were Leia’s suggestions. They had put a cot in his room, making her feel guilty about interrupting his new relationship with Rose. She was beyond understanding, they were friends but she hated taking away any privacy they might have had before. But no matter how much time they were together, Kylo still appeared. 

“Are you trying to make me jealous?” he asked one day with a sneer. “FN-2187 isn’t the one for you, I am. We’re equals, I see that now. You can still join me.”

She shut her eyes, trying to force him away. It didn’t work, no matter what she tried anymore. “I’ll never join you,” she hissed finally. 

Finn turned, walking towards her. “Just ignore him,” he said quietly. “Just pretend he isn’t here.”

She exhaled loudly. “Leave Kylo,” she said turning away. “I’m done with you.”

Finn sighed and started talking about the porg situation, their usual code for talking about something harmless when the Supreme Leader was able to overhear. They amused themselves with stories of Chewie’s frustrations, the birds had started to follow him around the base, until she finally nodded. He was gone. 

****

Leia called them together, she could feel the frustration rolling off both of them from across the base. “It’s not working, is it?” she asked them. 

They both shook their heads, Kylo’s appearances were almost daily. “Take a break,” she suggested. “We can’t force this to happen. If being together all of the time isn’t working, we need to try something else. Take a few of days to relax. Both of you.”

She wasn’t surprised when he gave her a hug and went to find Rose. Finn deserved the break far more than she did. She wandered aimlessly around the base, finally giving up and going outside. The planet they were on was similar to Ahch-To, vast oceans and rain. It reminded her too much of the hated bond, and the place where it started. 

She knew most people disliked the amount of rain, so she was surprised to find Poe outside, sitting under a overhang. He turned at the sound of the door, smiling at her. She took the invitation, being alone with her thoughts wasn’t getting her any answers. 

“Where’s your shadow?” he asked as she sat down. “I haven’t seen either of you alone for weeks.”

“We needed a break,” she replied. “It’s not working. It feels like it’s getting worse actually.”

“What’s getting worse?” another male voice asked. 

She felt herself stiffen, she didn’t have the patience for him now. She exhaled loudly, getting ready to turn and yell at him when she felt Poe’s hand slide into hers. “I miss the rain.” he said, confusing her completely. 

She looked back at Kylo, before returning her gaze to Poe. “It rains all the time here,” she whispered, not wanting Kylo to overhear. 

“My home world gets rain all the time,” he said casually, like he was ignoring her. “I never thought I’d miss something so simple but I do. Guess it’s just funny what makes you homesick.”

“The pilot is as weak as I told you,” Kylo laughed. “Why do you surround yourself with such people?” 

She went to turn, wanting nothing but to scream at him but the squeeze of her hand stopped her. “My mom died when I was little, did you know that?” he asked her. 

She was completely confused by the question but managed to shake her head. “Yeah, I was eight,” he carried on. “She was friends with Leia, so I’ve know her most of my life. She’s almost like a second mother to me. It’s why Ren doesn’t get to me, it’s kinda like he’s my pathetic little brother. He’s acting out for attention, that’s how I see him. I think that’s why he keeps showing up to you, he’s not getting his fix.”

“That’s a lie!” the apparition screamed. “I’m ruling the galaxy! He’s the pathetic one! Tell him!”

She squeezed Poe’s hand back. “So that’s why you’re Leia’s favourite,” she teased, keeping her gaze forward. 

“I get away with a lot don’t I?” he laughed. “Now you know why, I’m the good son. As long as I don’t start murdering indiscriminately, or go completely genocidal, I can probably get away with anything.”

She felt the familiar rush of the other sounds returning suddenly. Poe let go of her, sliding his hand to his lap. “Guessing he’s gone?” he asked. “You’re not all hunched up anymore.”

“I think you made him more angry in two minutes than I have in months,” she laughed. “What’s your secret?”

He gave her a shrug. “Everyone’s got a gift,” he replied. “Plus Leia seems to be his weak spot, figured it didn’t hurt to try.”

She found herself spending more time with Poe, he seemed to be able to keep her calmer when her unwanted visitor appeared. It also gave Finn time to spend with Rose, she hoped they could enjoy their time together while Leia tried to remember more about her earlier time with her brother. She hadn’t spent much time alone with Poe, she was usually pouring over the texts while he worked on training new pilots. But she found she enjoyed it, perhaps a little too much. She’d noticed how attractive he was the first time she saw him but seeing him daily made it harder to ignore. 

The fact that he was kind, so very different from the other man was (unwillingly) spending time with was a bit of a nuisance. She had to remember the Kylo Ren she initially met, the mocking, sadistic one not the one who had been kind to get what he wanted. She’d distrusted Poe’s kindness at first but soon realized he was like that to everyone, not just her. Spending so much time with him now didn’t change that, he was still kind and concerned, stopping to help people and answer their questions. He was so unlike most of the people she had met in life, she found it hard to believe he was real. 

So she spent the next week thinking so often she didn’t notice. Leia had called them back together, ready to offer more suggestions. When she asked how often Kylo has appeared it took her a moment. “I’ve only seen him three times,” she said in wonderment. “It should have been double that. Poe made him really angry though, that could be why.”

“Maybe we were wrong,” the General said thoughtfully. “We assumed the bond was with Finn, the two of you are close obviously but what if it’s with someone else.”

She looked over at Poe, not quite sure that was right. “But we barely know each other,” she replied. 

“And once upon a time, I barely knew Luke let alone he was my brother,” Leia said in return. “How about you two head out, I’d like to talk to Rey privately.”

She didn’t like the sound of that but the men left without complaint. “Can I ask you something personal Rey?” Leia asked. 

She nodded in reply. “How did you feel when you met Finn?” Leia questioned. 

“Annoyed actually,” she said with a laugh. “He kept trying to save me and didn’t do a great job. But then we left Jakku and you know the rest. He’s my best friend, I would do anything for him.”

“And what about when you met Poe?” she asked again. 

She needed a moment to think. “He made me feel better I guess,” she replied. “I’d just been lied to and tortured, Finn was distracted with Rose but Poe came over to check on me.”

Leia was quiet for a minute, mulling over what she had said. “So even though he didn’t know you, Poe knew what you needed,” she clarified. “And since you’ve been spending more time with him, my son hasn’t been appearing as often.”

Her stomach felt tight when she heard it like that. “But that doesn’t make sense,” she insisted. “Luke said it had already started!”

“And it took a while for my bond to form too,” Leia said with a laugh. “You said you wanted to learn to fly an X-wing, maybe it’s time you do.”

So she now had daily lessons with Poe, going over everything from the controls to formations. A part of her wanted to dismiss Leia’s idea, Poe couldn’t be the one but as her lessons went on, the less frequent her visits became. Then there was the matter of him always knowing, Poe seemed to guess instantly when Kylo was present. Whenever Poe was with her, she found him touching her, a solid reminder that she wasn’t alone. Sometimes he would talk, amusing her while mocking the man who had hurt them both. Other times he would just keep her distracted, making it easier to ignore Kylo’s taunts. The visits were becoming less frequent and she could sometimes even manage to shut him out purposefully. As much as she didn’t want to believe it, she had to seriously consider the truth. Poe Dameron was the one she was supposed to be bonded with. 

So she learned to fly an X-wing and learned about the man who would be part of her life until one of them died. He seemed to take the news in stride, being bonded to a Jedi he’d known for a short time. “Just when you think your life can’t get any weirder,” he joked. “I don’t need to learn to use a lightsaber now right? I’m more of a blaster guy, I’m not even good with a knife. A giant sword that can cut through anything seems like a bad idea to me.”

“Leia doesn’t have one so I think you’re safe,” she replied with a smile. “I don’t even know what’s supposed to happen now anyways.”

They found out a few days later when a mission came up. The General refused to allow her to go with Black squadron, insisting Rey stayed at base. She wanted to argue, she had been training with them, she would need to actually fight with them eventually. 

“I want to see what happens when you’re separated,” Leia explained. “We need to know what will happen when the two of you can’t touch if Ben ... Kylo tries to contact you. And Luke and I could contact each other over a distance, maybe we can test if you and Poe are able to yet.”

So she sat out on the mission with minimal complaint, Poe lead the squad so it made more sense for him to go. They would arrive in a few days, so she had time to wait. She wasn’t surprised when Kylo made an appearance the next day. 

“Finally stopped trying to fight me scavenger?” he taunted. “Did your friends give up on you? I’m willing to forgive you, join me and we can rule the galaxy.”

She took a deep breath, trying to shut him out. It was becoming easier each time, even if she was on her own this time. She opened her eyes, searching quickly to make sure he had left. The relief vanished when she felt a new presence. She couldn’t see anyone but then she heard a voice. 

“Rey?” Poe’s voice questioned.

She wasn’t sure where his voice was coming from, so she spoke aloud. “Poe?” she replied uncertainly. 

“Okay, this is definitely weird,” he replied with a laugh. “It’s crazy, I felt like you were angry and I tried to talk to you. Guess it worked. You okay?”

“Yeah,” she said smiling. “I’m fine now. Can you see me?”

“Nope, all I see is stars going by,” he answered. “Still in hyperspace. Bored out of my mind actually.”

So they talked, finding out by trial and error that they needed to speak out loud for this to work. The chatted for hours, until a confused Finn found her. “Do I want to know why you’re talking to yourself?” he asked worriedly. 

So she gave Leia an update, and they went about their duties. Poe returned a few days later, no worse for wear, but she felt embarrassment coming off of him. “So I kinda forgot to turn off my comm,” he said when she asked him about it. “A few people who were awake were very amused by my one sided conversation. I may have had to tell them about what we’ve been doing, Jess thought I was trying to get myself psyched up to ask you out or something.”

The scrutiny from Black squadron spread. It didn’t take long for everyone on base to stare at them whenever they were together. She certainly didn’t understand why, so they had a bond, why was it such a big deal? “Most of us don’t get the whole Jedi thing,” Poe told her over breakfast. “Hell I don’t get it and we’ve got the whole Force bond thing going on. Everyone seemed to think I’m going to become a Jedi by proxy or something crazy like that.”

“That’s not how the Force works,” Finn interrupted sagely. 

 

*****

 

The war was close to being over, they had the remains of First Order on the run. Hux was in prison, several of the Knights dead, most star systems were in open rebellion of the Supreme Leader and the stormtroopers were leaving in droves. All Kylo had left we’re two Star Destroyers, a handful of loyal officers and nothing else. They would finally be done, they could all get on with their lives. 

She had never expected this day to come. Her life had changed one fateful day and there had been no going back. She went from scavenger to Jedi Master. She went from alone in the world to having friends, Padawans, and a family. She was a General, Master and Auntie to Rose and Finn’s little boy. But it still wasn’t enough. 

She had held off on her feelings for years, a particularly hard thing to do when she was connected to the person she had feelings for. She knew Poe cared for her, she might be adept at hiding herself but he wasn’t. She lived for seeing his smile whenever they were reunited, something that happened frequently. Vice Admiral Dameron hated being ship bound but they wouldn’t risk his safety more than was necessary, something he hated but tolerated. She was always being sent somewhere, finding more Force sensitives, stealth missions, the occasion duel when one of the Knights of Ren had made themselves known. She spent more time on her own, flying across the galaxy but with their bond they were always in contact. 

They both knew about the rumours, Poe dismissing them completely. It was common knowledge that they were close, everyone but those closest to them assuming they were more than friends. But Poe kept her at a distance, spending time early on with Leia on how to control his own Force sensitivity. She been a little confused by that but he always had a reason for his actions. He didn’t want her to be hurt, he could crash, be shot down and didn’t want her to feel it. Or so he said. She wasn’t so sure that was the real reason or at least the whole one but it had been so new then. 

So they had carried on for years like this, in some ways Poe being the person who understood her most and in other ways the person she knew the least. She knew he hid parts of himself from her, but they were connected until death, both a part of leadership and just being friends on top of everything. And Poe was honorary Uncle of course. So when the final fight began, she was completely unprepared. 

The briefing ended, if their intel was good the war would be over in hours. “Be careful,” he said in parting. “Don’t do something crazy.”

She grinned at him. “So don’t do what you would do?” she teased. 

His eyes narrowed, the angry look on his face ruined by his lips twitching. “Shut up General,” he replied. 

“Make me Admiral,” she answered, grinning wider. 

“We make it out of this, I just might,” he said cryptically. 

So the final battle began, her and her squadron on standby to avoid a repeat of the last time they had been this close to winning. She hadn’t seen Kylo Ren in almost a year, her bond with Poe solid enough to finally banish him completely from appearing to her long before then. The last time she had seen him was as he fled, managing to escape in his TIE as they attacked. The quick glance hadn’t been enough but she wanted to see him today. She wanted to be the one to shoot him down if he tried to escape again. So her squadron was tasked with firing on all ships that tried to clear out, no one could be left to restart the First Order. 

The heavy loses were mostly on the side of the First Order but the Resistance lost several of their own. A cornered animal can be the most dangerous, even when the animal in question were human. But it was finally over. The cheers over the comm were deafening, making her shut them off once she shouted her orders to return to the Ackbar. She felt his panic, reassuring him over the bond that she was fine, just too much noise all at once. 

The celebrations had already started by the time she landed on the flagship, mechanics, technicians and pilots hugging and crying all over the hanger. She was dragged into the party unwillingly, her squad consisting of her three students and various rookies pilots all beyond thrilled that they had survived. It was still too much for her, her early years of solitude never quite leaving her. She moved away from the hanger, heading for command. Everyone seemed to have decided that the hanger was the place to be, it was large enough for the party that would happen. She would need to debrief and she wanted to know what the final damages were. The halls were strangely quiet, the occasional person running towards the hanger passing her. She had almost reached the bridge when he exited, Poe looking relieved to see her in person. 

He pulled her into a hug, burying his face in her neck. “I need to hit the fresher,” she said trying to pull away, “I probably smell terrible.”

He chuckled lightly. “Ex pilot, the smell of sweaty flight suit doesn’t bother me at all,” he replied. “It’s a good smell weirdly, it means we survived a fight.”

He did release her, looking her over as if checking for injuries before pulling her into a meeting room nearby. “I’m fine,” she said in exasperation. “I came to see how everything went on your end.”

His smile disappeared. “We lost 3 cruisers including the medical frigate so we’re heading back to base in a minute,” he replied. “The Holdo is going to stay here to make sure no reinforcements arrive, but we’re pretty sure we got them all this time.”

“So the war’s over then,” she said, strange feeling of dread settling over her. “Everyone will want to go home.”

“It only took 37 years but I finally understand what my dad was always talking about,” he said quietly. “I kinda want nothing more than to go home and be a farmer for the rest of my life. Maybe I’ll get lucky and get married, have a couple of kids and be completely boring.”

She knew why the idea made the weight in her stomach feel even heavier. “That,” she paused, “that sounds nice. I guess I’ll have find somewhere to set up a temple now. I have no idea where I’m supposed to go anymore. I don’t have a home, it’s certainly not Jakku.”

“You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to Rey,” he said seriously. “You can go see the galaxy like you wanted or find a nice guy or whatever else you can think of. Don’t be like Skywalker, repeating the same mistakes. You took on Padawans because the First Order was killing them, not because you wanted to. What do you want?”

She’d never considered what she wanted, never really considered making out of this alive. She had a vague idea but it had never seemed like a possibility before now. “I want, I want to just stop,” she said haltingly. “I feel like I’ve been fighting my whole life. Fighting to keep what little I had, fighting Kylo, fighting the First Order. I just want my life to be simple but I can’t leave my students. We don’t need another Snoke or Palpatine or Kylo Ren because I failed them. But the only place I’ve been where I’ve truly felt the Force is Ahch-To and the caretakers hate me. And I saw the tree had burned down somehow that time I went back. I wouldn’t know where to go.”

“I know where a Force tree is,” he replied easily. “And the owner would probably love the extra company, he’s been alone for years.”

She knew she had to look shocked. “Just like that?” she asked. “You happen to know someone who can take in four extra people, probably a Wookiee and also happens to have a Force tree? I’m not that lucky Poe, never have been.”

“Are you kidding?” he said with a laugh. “Dad would see it as people to feed, three new farm hands, a Jedi and get a kick out of seeing Chewie again. You’d make his decade.”

“You want me to come home with you?” she asked awed. This was almost too good to be true, it couldn’t be that simple. 

He just shrugged, looking embarrassed. “Well I know Finn and Rose said they were going to go through the data tapes we got and try and find the stormtrooper’s families so going with them won’t really work,” he replied. “And it wouldn’t be fun having to feel you being stressed out from across the damn galaxy, we can’t just shut the bond off. Seems like a good plan to me.”

She barrelled into him, clutching at his uniform to hold back the tears. “No one’s ever done that much for me ever,” she said haltingly. 

Poe wrapped his arms around her, dropping a kiss on her temple. “I’m not doing anything I don’t want to Rey. Hell, my dad will want to adopt you less than an hour after meeting you. Or just flat out demand I marry you, so you end up a Dameron either way. Not that I would, because I know you don’t feel like that about me so yeah ... I’ll just stop talking now,” he said as he pulled away in embarrassment, blocking her from his thoughts. 

He did that frequently, whenever he seemed to feel he’d said too much around her. “It would be nice to stop being Rey of Jakku all the time. I haven’t been there in years and never want to go back,” she said with a laugh, trying to tease him out of his mood. 

It seemed to have the opposite effect, making him walk towards the window. “Yeah, Rey Dameron sounds better,” he said quietly. “But I wouldn’t want people to assume anything.”

“Yeah, it would be hard for you to get married if everyone thinks you’re already married to me,” she replied sadly. Of course it wouldn’t be simple, nothing ever was for her. “Maybe this isn’t such a great idea.”

“No!” he said, turning back to face her. “I want you to come, I don’t care if people think we’re together or not. People already do so what’s the difference?”

She sighed, fighting with him was the last thing she wanted right now. She wasn’t the only one who had been fighting for years, Poe deserved his happiness too. If he wanted to have a family, she couldn’t stand in his way. They’d had to form their bond, she’d been a danger to the Resistance but now it would affect his life. She had resigned herself to life alone a long time ago, even if she wanted the opposite. He wanted normal, something she could never have. “Maybe we can break the bond,” she suggested. 

He looked like she had slapped him. “Why would we do that?” he asked angrily. “What happened?”

“It’s different now! We aren’t fighting a war, it’s not some strategic advantage! Now it’s a burden stopping you from getting you what you want out of life!” she yelled. 

“All I want out of life is to be with you!” he yelled back. 

Poe’s face paled noticeably before he turned back towards the window, cursing under his breath. “If you want to try and break the bond I’ll understand,” he stated quietly. “I do know you don’t feel for me the same way I do for you, I’m just tired of hiding it I guess. Five years is a long time to do that to yourself.”

He waited a moment before turning back, head down. He headed straight for the door, having said what he must have needed to. She grabbed his arm, there was no way he could leave. “You’re incredibly stupid!” she hissed, keeping her grip firm. “That’s twice you’ve said I don’t feel the same way you do so let me perfectly clear about how I feel.”

She took the final step, wrapping her free hand around his neck to pull him closer. It wasn’t sweet, she was too angry with him for that but she tried to pour the years of frustration at not knowing what they were into the kiss. He didn’t mind, the half second of shock was replaced with him shaking off her other arm to bring her as close as possible. It wasn’t at all like she had pictured, more like a kiss from a holo. Instead it was all teeth and tongue, her hair being pulled out of her braid as he kept her from leaving his embrace. They both pulled away, panting harshly but staying wrapped in each other’s arm. 

“Five years?” she asked once she had calmed her breathing, head still on his shoulder. 

She felt the laugh more than heard it. “I was a goner the second I saw you,” he said as he rubbed her back. “Then the whole bond happened and the war got worse and everything just got harder.”

She wasn’t ready to look at him, worried this wasn’t real. “You still want me to come home with you?” she asked nervously. 

“I’ve never wanted anything more,” he replied.


End file.
